I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize