He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
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Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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