I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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