Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
