You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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