I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
