C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
