A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
