Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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