it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
