I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
