I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
