If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me