I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
