Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
