tonight lets celebrate not being married
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
