Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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