i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
