My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
