i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
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Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
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How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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