hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
