i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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