What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I need help removing her.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
