Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
