"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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