I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
