She's JV to your varsity
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
