is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
