ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I met the friendliest cop last night
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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