Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
