if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
