Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
