is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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