just come out here and I will go home with you...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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