I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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