apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
