i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
