She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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