i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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