Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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