Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize