Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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