Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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