Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm going to jail i love you
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize