9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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