I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
