Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
