So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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