Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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