I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
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an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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