Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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