Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
