I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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