based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't think brook has ever known best
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
