happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
