Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
