i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
