3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
