rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize