Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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