Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
